Master the Art of Listening and Boost Your Personal Development

Yo, what is happening, guys? Nathan back. Once again with another episode of the unplugged Freedom podcast. In today’s episode, we’re going to be talking about something that I’ve been. Wanting to talk about for quite a while, and that is How to be a good listener. This is. A skill.

That a lot of people don’t actually know. Know how to do they. And the problem is is that they actually think that they they do know how That’s, A lot of the problem comes in is that people sit there and they’ll say, oh, I’m a great. Listen, I’m a really good listener.

But then, It doesn’t take long for you to easily realize that they’re not. They’re the furthest thing from it. And so as if you are a good listener, there’s ways to be able to to tell And to be able to test somebody’s ability of whether or not they are a good listener.

And so, Being a good listener is, it’s a very It’s a very in-depth skill. And so there’s a lot of a lot of levels to it. There’s a lot of A lot of. What would you call it? Uh, intricate. Things that You have to be able to To pull them all together.

And that will give you the actual story. So, We’re going to talk all about this, we’re going to talk all about the different things as to how you. Learn how to be much better listener than you probably are today. And whether you’re above average, maybe you’re not a very good listener or you’d like to be Or maybe you think you are a good listener.

But I think that if you think you’re a good listener, you probably have turned this off already. And you’re not even listening to it. You’re like no, that’s not for me. I am a good listener. And I wouldn’t open and be surprised about that. So, How to be good listener.

Well, let’s start off with what? Being a good listener is not. So, there are Surface level. Type listeners. And they’re just very one-dimensional, very basic, type listeners. And, What they are is they just They just listen to the words that somebody says. So, if I come up to them and I say, I am.

The president of Uganda, they’re like, oh, Hey. He’s the president of Uganda. Now, of course this is just a very extreme Case, or example, but The point is that, They don’t, they don’t look past Beyond what you, what you have said. The words that you have spoken, they don’t look past that they don’t I don’t think internally, they don’t.

There’s a lot of things that they just don’t do, and so, They basically just listen for the words that you say, Listening. In order to be a good listener. You have to take in a lot of different things. And so, We’re talking. Not just the words that someone says, But how they say it?

So, if you come up to me and say, hey, how are you? I’m like Good, good. Oh, I I’m great. Oh, like I oh, I’m better than great. Yeah. Good good. Yeah. Yeah. How certain are you that I’m good. Now, if you are a little bit more of an advanced listener, You would be able to recognize and say.

Are you really? Actually. Doing good. How are you doing? Talk to me. Come on. You’re like, well. Here’s the thing. Okay. And you’re like, okay, Right. And so, But that’s what a lot of people do. You’re passing somebody on the street. You’re meeting your co-worker at work. Or maybe it’s somebody who you.

Consider an acquaintance. Let’s say, hey, how’s it going? Good, good. Oh yeah, good, yeah, you, oh good, it’s great. It’s great. It’s good, it’s good. It’s just fucking bullshit, right? And so, The thing is, is that You, you You’re listening to the words that they’re saying. You’re also listening to how they’re saying at the tone of voice.

You’re listening to. You’re also listening for what they’re not saying. So here’s a really good example. Very easy understandable. Example is Let’s say. Let’s say you’re me. You’re you’re Talking with a girl. And you as a guy, let’s see, you’re a gentleman. You as a guy you already know that she has a boyfriend.

You already know that she’s in a relationship. And you guys are talking. And there are Many opportunities and I’m this is very specific. There has to be opportunities. That. Would naturally come up and say oh what do you got? What are you doing this weekend? What do you what did you get up to last weekend?

Uh, you know like oh, where, where do you where do you live in town? You know, you’re having basic conversation. And there’s probably, Many. Opportunities of like, What? Uh, What do you do on the weekends? And let’s say you already know that they are in a relationship. But, Out of all of the conversations you’ve had, Not one time.

Have they ever mentioned or brought up? That they were in a relationship. This is listening for what is not being said. And so, a lot of times in order, In order to Well. It’ll tell you one thing. If you already know the information. So if you already know that they’re in a relationship and You know, that there’s been many times where They’re probably could have been like, oh yeah.

Last week me and my boyfriend. We went out hiking. Um, you know? Oh I I live down here. Uh, just whatever it is, right? There’s There should be. But if there isn’t it’s just it just tells you something and it’s vice versa, if it’s a guy and a girl who are talking vice versa at the same time, You’re listening for.

What is not being said? Or. Perhaps. You might be talking with them. And they might be. Avoiding such topics. Let’s say they might of be avoiding a certain topic. And you might even. Push it in a direction. And then all of a sudden, you know, that something’s not being said.

So you you already know. You already know. I already know the answer. Okay, well, I know the answer to that. So that is also part of listening, which is listening to what is not being said. So, you have your listening to the words. You’re listening to how those words are being said.

You’re also listening for. The reactions, those words are having On the other person. So, for example, Let’s say and it kind of falls into tone of voice as well. But let’s say, for example, You’re talking with someone you’re like oh, tell me. Tell me how. How you like your job like oh, my job.

Love it. Love it, love it, love it. Oh, I love it. Yeah, I love it. Like, oh. That’s, that’s great to hear. Tell me more about that. What do you love so much about it? Oh well. Hmm. Well. Uh they keep me busy, that’s that’s for sure to keep me busy and Yeah, just uh I’ve I’ve been with them for like Oh, what six years.

Seven years now and Yeah, it’s good though. It’s good. Oh, it’s good. Like You know, like I’ve got Where you got good seniority now. And, You know, like a pension like, uh, you should see the pension plan. They’ve got, oh, like when I retire, it’s going to be good, it’s kind of be good.

You see what I’m getting at? You can listen to somebody. You can see that you you know that they’re full of shit. And then what you can do from here is you can kind of try and find the things that they do love that. They actually love And maybe that’s fishing.

Maybe it’s hiking. Maybe it is knitting, whatever it is. And what you can do is you can actually play a little game. And you can bounce from one topic to the other. And this will actually tell you more about the person. And what you’re you’ll actually be able to do is you’ll actually be able to Get a baseline of who they are versus who they are.

Not are What I mean by that, is that When we’re happy, when we are confident, when we are When we are just Standing tall. That’s the real us. But when we are cowered down, when we are quiet, when we are shy, when we are timid, that’s not the real loss.

When we are full of fear, when we’re full of anxiety, that’s not the real us. We are. When we are. Confident. What about standing to all that is the true version of us? So I I need this one, girl, this was a long time ago. And if you got her talking about traveling, through Australia, She was on top of the world.

But then you ask her about, tell me, tell me again. What you’re taking at school? Now you said, you’re going to be a doctor paramedic and then she’d go to. Yeah. Right now, I’m just I’m just like, Okay, I’m working to be a paramedic and Probably just uh probably just like be a doctor or something.

And um yeah it’ll be good. It’ll be good. It’ll be good. I go. Cool. Cool. Hey, tell me about that time. You were in Australia. I think you said you were traveling like the, uh, What was that? What was that road down south? Oh you mean like the Great Barrier Reef like that?

Oh, or the The great ocean Road like this is, it’s so gorgeous. Like I remember this one time we went and you can see the difference between talking about one subject in another And then what you’re able to do is you’re able to know what this person’s like when they’re full of passion.

When they’re full of energy, when they’re full of life, you can see where they’re at. And then you can see where they’re not. And that tells you something. And you can, you know, you can even learn a little bit more about them by asking a little bit more and say, well, Why did you leave Australia?

And like why why what stops you from being there right now? Like if you had the choice between the two, like would you rather be doing this or be doing that? Now, the thing is, is that when you’re asking questions, there’s there’s a quote and that is really good.

And it’s The answers aren’t learning how to ask the right questions. And it’s very true. You have to know. How to ask certain questions. Because let’s say in in a situation like this you you would say you might not be as direct and say. If you had the choice between where, what you’re doing.

Now, what you’re doing then? They a lot of times, they might be just so Ready for that question. And they might say, oh no. No I I rather I’d rather be doing what I’m doing right now, 100. And they’ve already. Build that wall. You know, they’ve they’re really like sinking their teeth into that, that lie.

So sometimes we have to be a little bit more indirect with our questions to kind of bring them to the realization that They? That they must rather and they know deep down in the heart that they don’t want nothing to do with this what they’re currently doing, but they would much rather be doing this other lifestyle.

But if you were to ask them sometimes too directly, They would. They would already know because they’ve kind of practiced it, they’ve kind of rehearsed it. And they know that that’s the the answer to give when somebody When somebody asks, And this. The same thing with a lot of questions in life with people.

You know you ask him. Oh do you want to have kids? Oh yes yes 100 absolutely yes always wanted to have kids But the thing is, is that and this could be if they want to buy a house, if they want to go to university, they want to have kids if they want to get married, if they want, whatever it is.

Whatever it is. They’ve rehearsed this so many times in their life. They have. Told themselves, this lie so many times within themselves. And I always say there’s nothing wrong with being married, there’s nothing wrong with having kids. There’s nothing wrong with going to school. But where the problem comes in.

Is when you’re doing these things. Not because you want to. Not because it is your passion too, but it because Deep down inside of you, you have practiced, this so much, you’ve told yourself there’s so many times. And that you have no idea where this belief or idea even came from And if you were to take a trip into your mind and it might take some time to get that deep.

But you might just find out that the reason that you say that you want to have kids, the reason that you say you want to go to university and be a doctor. The reason you say that you want to buy a house, Is because That’s you want to fit in.

You don’t want to be on the outside. You don’t want to be. Where nobody else is you you want to be a part of the group. You see everybody else holding hands around the Christmas tree. You want to be a part of that. You see everybody else taking photos with their, with their couples and they’re at the pumpkin patch.

And they’re like, Yay! Look at us. Yay, we’re so happy. Look at us. We’re throwing leaves in the air. Yay. And they’re taking the photos and I’ll tell you right now that most of those people who do that, They’re not happy, not in the slightest bit. They love to try and sell it to you and two I that they are.

But they’re not. Not in the slightest bit and this is where good listening comes in. If you can have a conversation with these people. And you can understand quite quickly. Where they are and how they feel. But a lot of times what people’s actions do is they try. They’re trying to put out a trying to show you who they are.

Trying to show you that. I’m happy with my decision. I’m happy with my job. I’m happy in my marriage. I’m happy having these four kids who drive me nuts and I just don’t get any sleep. And, oh, I’m I’m so happy. Like I said, there’s nothing wrong with having kids, it’s nothing wrong with any of this stuff.

But the problem comes in, When you’re just going through these motions, And you don’t actually understand where these beliefs or ideas came from. And why you have just spewed it to yourself over and over again? So, How this comes into to listening is When you’re talking to somebody, you can, you can understand what they’re what they’re saying you can.

Ask certain questions. And you can get them to tell you the A lot of times what may happen. So you’re listening to the words that they’re saying, you’re listening to the words that they’re not saying you’re listening to the tone of voice. You’re listening to the emotions that they are going through when they’re using these words.

You are. Also listening to their body language and when you’re listening to their body language, it’s just It’s more of a It’s not like you’re listening like like their body language is making a sound. It’s just you’re observing you’re watching. You’re seeing them, you know, where? Where is that?

Where are they standing? How are they standing? Where are they looking? How are they looking? You’re looking at their eyes you’re looking at their face. Her face. Uh, facial expressions, all of that stuff. And, You’re Gathering. A story a picture now, With listening. A lot of times what happens is.

There’s a lot of assumptions. And you don’t want to assume. Unless you’re a very good at it. So, let’s say, somebody Was crossing their arms. This is a basic one. Somebody is crossing their arms. Why are they crossing the arms? Are they crossing the arms? Because Just standoffish to you.

They’re being rude to you. They feel defensive around you. Or is it because It’s cold out here. So, the thing is, is that There are certain. Things that we can take into consideration. But we also have to consider other situations or other things. About the situation. Which may actually negate that one thing.

So I’m sitting there and I’m trying to read somebody’s body language. And they’re crossed out or they’re they’re arms are crossed over in front of them. Well, I can’t assume that they’re not interested or that. They feel like I’m wasting their time. I could also take into consideration that it’s actually cold out here.

And there’s good chance, that, that is just because they’re cold. And you’d think that that would be. Common Sense, it’s not. Okay, so I I will even see some things I will see some things that I do. If I’m if I’m interacting with someone, I’ll see someone. I’ll see myself do a move.

And then I will recognize it. And I will think to myself if that person was a good listener. They would have been able to notice that. Which probably would have led them to a question. To kind of get closer to what the Reasoning for that was And so, It’s good to be able to have that awareness, that self-awareness.

It’s good and it’s bad. It’s bad. Because, You’re able to hide things from people. You’re able to hide how you feel. You might be just like, Hurting in pain. But you have such an ability to be able to just Hold people. A. And say no, I’m not going to let you in.

And so, That is. That is one thing that you may notice something like you might be in a standing in line, like, oh, that’s that’s another great example. I take a look at people’s body language when they stop. When they stand in line. Go to the grocery store. And don’t take your phone out.

Just watch other people. You’ll see people. They take their phone out and they’re just swiping. You’re just scrolling. They’re not looking at anything. There’s nothing to look at. And all they’re doing is just scrolling scrolling scrolling scrolling. And, You’re like, wow. And what does that tell you? Well, that tells you that that person has issues with just standing still For like a couple of minutes.

Maybe looking around. What’s around them, who’s around them? They can’t handle that. They’re very nervous. They have. Trying distract themselves with their phone. And that’ll tell you a lot about the person so that that comes in with listening like you You know what kind of person this is? And then the better kind of person that you know who you’re dealing with.

You know, how to comment them? I’ve had people. Very few, I will say very, very few but in the few times that it has, it has happened. I’ve always been impressed. Slightly violated, but very impressed. Like I said, I’m very good at holding myself to a certain And, Some.

And like I said, sometimes you might do something subconsciously, but then you’ll catch yourself. Maybe you’re maybe your foot’s, twitching. You know, you’re sitting there, you’re tapping your foot. But then you might catch it be like, There’s just like these little things that happen. And those little things, they tell the truth.

And if you can catch them. It’s really good. And so, If you can recognize them on yourself, you can recognize them on other people. And that’s part of good listening. So when you’re talking with someone, you’re listening to the words that they’re saying, you’re listening to how they’re saying it the tone of voice.

What are the feelings that they’re going through as they’re telling you these things? You’re listening to what they’re not saying. You are. You’re listening to their body language, you’re seeing their movements You’re seeing there wear their eyes, are they looking down? Are they kind of drawn out? You know, they they just they seem like they’re tired, like Or are they up?

Are they standing? Are they looking up? They is their chest open. Is, are there shoulders back? You know, and you can, you can visually see it. Are they making any little tiny movements that they can’t even tell that they’re doing? You see that their fingers is kind of tapping along.

Onto something as they’re talking. Interesting. I wonder what that’s about. And when you, when you see these things, what you’re able to do is you’re able to kind of think of more questions to be able to maybe uncover that You wouldn’t come out directly but like, are you nervous?

Like no. No. Why would you see him nervous? I’m not nervous. I’m not nervous. Get out of here. I’m not nervous. Oh, really? Because your foot’s, tapping, whatever. I want to have my fucking foot tab. Who cares? Not nervous. And what you did is you just broke that trust.

They’re not going to tell you now they’ve just put a wall up. So you have to be really good. And being a good listener, noticing some things. And then, Thinking. Okay, how can I? How can I? Get to know this person just a little bit better so that they kind of let me in.

There’s obviously something. So, Being a good listener is it’s huge. It’s really huge in In everything in relationships. This is pretty much like the basis of being a good listener. It’s just for relationships. And, It’s going to tell you what are good relationships where bad relationships. Now, I talked to the other day, I think it was two podcasts ago about Unfortunately, there’s shady people who are really good at hiding, just how shitty they are.

And they will let you know, just how shitty they are at the worst times after they’ve gained your trust, after they’ve earned your Space to be in your bubble to be in your circle after they have gone in there. And you trust them, they will show you their true colors eventually and they won’t care.

And that sucks. And so, But, The good news is that they’re kind of feeling far between So, you’re going to have more people that You’re going to be able to, as a good listener. You’re going to be able to You’re gonna have better relationships out of them. And people are going to be able to trust you.

And I like, for myself, I’ve always Listening. Being a good listener is Really listening listening to understand. Listening without judgment. Now, I’ll give you a simple example. Of a, not a good listener. So not a good listener. Would You’re sitting there. Let’s say you’re you’re You feel bad, you’re kind of upset and they’re kind of like, oh, what’s wrong?

You’re like, oh my God. Like, uh, on my way here? I don’t, I don’t know. Uh, something happened. Can I can I tell you? It’s kind of bothering me like yeah, of course you can tell me like, you can tell me anything. Well. I, I was driving here. And then all of a sudden This dog ran out in front of me at the last second.

I hit him. And then, I immediately saw it. My car. I went to go see how he was. He got up, he ran. He took off and left. But I feel so bad for it and I I looked I spent a couple minutes but I was like I couldn’t find them.

And I felt really bad for leaving because I didn’t know whose dog it was. And you know, like let’s say the person said he’s really stressing. And then they’re telling you this. Now, let’s say you’re not a good listener. You’re not a good listener and you’re like, You hit a dog.

Like wow, why would you hit a dog? Yeah, yeah. But that’s the thing. Is that like he just ran out in front of me. Yeah, but you hit a dog. That’s, that’s terrible. Like it and You you didn’t even see how he was. No, because he took off. So, you just like, left him.

You, you hit this dog and then you just left him. So, my point is that, If you’re not a good listener, you’re not listening to the whole story. You just focused on that. They just mentioned a dog hating a dog. And so you’re just stuck on that point of, like, You hit a dog?

Yeah, because he ran out in front of me. Like, yeah, but still you hit a dog. Yes, because he ran out in front of me. Are you missing that part? And yes, it is. They are missing that part. Now, this is just a very simple easy to understand example, but Another example.

Is and I’ve had this many times, let’s say you’ve got a guy in the girl. Okay.

Let’s say the guy. Is sharing a story with his friend who happens to be a girl. And he’s sharing a story. And the story happens to have a girl in the story. And he says, oh like, you should have seen this one time. We went down the street and, you know, and my friend, Susan, she, uh, we picked her up along the way and whatever he goes on, to tell the story.

And at the end of it, He’s all excited, you know, to, to tell the story to his friend and she’s looking at him like So, who’s Susie? Oh, she’s just like a, the friend that we’ve known for a long time. You know, I can’t even remember where we where we How we first met?

I think it’s been that long. Oh yeah. And, So so what about this Susie? Um, what about her? Like, I don’t know. Basically the the girl. That he was telling the story. The girl’s not a good listener. Now I’m not saying that all girls are not good listeners. I’m just saying that in this situation.

She’s not a good listener. Because she’s not listening to understand, she’s not listening without judgment. He was telling a story somewhere along the line. She did not like what he had said because he was talking about a girl. And she couldn’t get past that. Therefore, everything else he was sharing Beyond that point.

Of where he lost her. She didn’t hear. She doesn’t care to hear. And so he’s continuing the story. And then all of a sudden, he doesn’t know that he lost her. Now this can be an example in all kinds of things, as a matter if it’s a guy or a girl talking about a guy or a girl like whatever it is, another great example is, let’s say you’re talking about Trump.

Okay. I’ve had this many times where I’m trying to explain something. I’m like, you know what, it’s a really good example. I’ll give you a clear black and white.

That’s weird.

That was just an odd, odd thing, sounded like someone opened my door. But, A really good example is when I remember this one time, I was talking with a friend. And they’re not a huge Trump fan. Okay, we’ve met them all and so So basically, we were talking about a subject and I said here’s a great example and the great example that I had, it was a great example, it was very clear, it was very black and white.

You’d be able to see The, the example that I was trying to portray Well. The moment I mentioned Trump. And I was continuing. I was like, yeah, well, in this situation, what had happened is Trump had done this and then the media did this and yada, and then I was just continuing on I didn’t realize that I had lost them.

The second, I mentioned Trump because when I was done trying to finish my example, or my point, They were just like, You shouldn’t that guy is a peace. I just went off. I’m like, okay, that’s great. We’re not talking about him. We’re talking about how I think in this example, like I was talking about how the media lies and it deceives and all this stuff.

And what better way to provide an easy example is by using what they’ve done to Trump. And that’s exactly what I did. And so, But the moment I mentioned, Trump. I lost them. They’re gone, they’re done. There we go, they’re off, they’re off the handle, they’re off the fucking defend.

So, That is. Someone who is not a good listener. And so you don’t want to, you don’t want to be like that, you don’t want to listen with judgment. Being a good listener means that you listen. But you. You listen to understand? And so, Unfortunately, in the world that we live in today, So many people are just.

Triggered, I hate that word, triggered. Oh, why are you so triggered? Oh, trigger warning. Like people are such a fucking pansies nowadays. It just just annoys me really like Oh, trigger warning. There’s there’s this like Like, shut up. Okay. If you can’t handle what I’m about to say, like turn it off.

Go somewhere else. Okay, we don’t want you here. Okay, if you can’t handle words being said, All I’m doing is just fucking blowing hot air out of my mouth. That’s all I’m doing. I can blow hot air out elsewhere if you’d like but But that’s the world we live in.

And so, let’s just say me in that person. We’re not friends anymore. Okay. Because they just become too much of a pansy. And over the years I’ve became too much of not really caring a boat Just I’ll stand up for the truth any day, anytime. Okay. You want to fight me over the truth?

Let’s go. You will lose. You will lose. Trust me. You’re not that guy. So being a good listen, you gotta be you gotta listen without judgment. You got to listen without Without bias. You gotta try and not be biased. That’s very hard. Now, a lot of people Think, and it’s simple have said.

That I am a little bit biased. Honestly like well, what I mean is that, if somebody comes to me and they say Hey, I’m not happy in my relationship or maybe they’re having issues with their, whatever it is, their marriage, their relationship, their partner, whatever it is, I’m not sitting there and I’m like, yeah, get out of that thing.

That thing’s trash. You don’t want that, you got to be single singles, the way to go. No. Like that’s the furthest thing that I I ever do. Because you have, In order to be a good listener, you have to Talk to the person. Find out what they want. Find out what is making, what is causing them ill?

Will you know in this in in their relationship? And so, You get to know them, you ask them questions, and From there. You will be able to say, Well. From what you’ve told me. Honestly, I don’t think you should. I don’t think you should. Because you’re you’re having troubles with this.

And like, you’re talking to me about how you You can’t breathe and you can’t do this. Like, don’t like just don’t I’m like, you know what? You’re right. You’re right. Thank you. Or sometimes it might go the other way. Like, here’s another example. I had uh, one friend They came to me.

And you know what, when you’re when you’re a good listener and people understand that you’re a good listener, people come to you with things. All kinds of things. They may come to you with, like, Which computer should I buy? Boy, they may come to you of like my boyfriend’s, just cheated on me.

What should I do? You know? Or there’s so many like crazy things and And that’s what happens when you are a good listener. And, So, one time I had a A friend and she had come to me and She told me that uh I was like well what’s happening like seem like you seem like something’s wrong.

Yeah. Well My boyfriend, her. You went off. He was at a party and he cheated on me. Okay. All right, and we talked about it a little bit, it was just like, all right? So um, I’m not there like are you cheated on you? That’s terrible. Oh my God.

He what a terrible guy? Uh no. I’m going to try and be as neutral as possible. But I’m also going to try and put some logic and some sense into her. In which I did. And I told her and I said, well, That sucks. 100. Like, of course, you don’t want that right?

You trust this person. Wanting to get married with this person. You’ve been with them forever. Yada yada yada. But let’s look at some. Logic here, shall we? You’ve been with him for how long? Since you were what? 15 16? Okay. Just little little babies, right? And you guys were in love.

Oh that’s so cute. Your high school sweetheart. But as I fucking vomited my mouth, I hate high school sweetheart. I just hate him. And, I said, well, you have to think about this. If you get into a relationship with somebody when they’re 15, 16 years old, You were gonna have to expect different things.

Then if you were to get into a relationship, let’s say when you’re 30 with another 30 year old, You’re gonna have to expect some different things. You’re gonna have to. You’re gonna have to have no different mindset. Now, why is that? Because, When you’re 30. And you meet somebody else who is 30?

That person that’s probably lived a bit of life. They probably had their heart broken. They know what that’s like. They probably lost their trust in some people. They know what that’s like. They have probably fell in love real love. And they know what that’s like. They probably been in multiple relationships and they know what they like, and what they don’t like.

So, When they get to you. They probably know that they want. Someone like you. Now, let’s take somebody who’s 15. They have zero clue of what they want in life. They have a zero clue about who they are. In life. And you are getting into a relationship with this person at this time and you’re wanting to be that sweet high school sweetheart uh kind of bullshit.

So you’re going to be a part of his life. Through some Very important years of growth, his brain hasn’t even fully developed yet. Okay. His ball is probably just dropped yesterday. All right, he has no idea. About what’s coming. He has no idea that thoughts and the feelings and the hormones, and the emotions that are just waiting to to To be released.

And you think? That it’s all gonna be fucking daisies and rainbows. With this person.

Honestly and this is what I told her. Okay, this is like this is basically me like what I was telling her. And I said, you know, Honestly. And at this time they were like 28. I said I’m surprised it took so long. She fucking hated me. Are you serious right now?

Like hear me out. Nobody likes to hear the truth. And why should they right? The, the truth sucks. And, Sometimes you might know the truth. And, Sometimes even though you know the truth, you just still have to hear it so you can confirm the truth of what you already know but even though you already know it, That already that sucks, too.

Like, I don’t even want to hear the truth because I already know the truth. But I have to know the truth just to freaking confirm the truth. And Just, Just tell me. And so, So yeah. Long story short, those two are Last. I knew they were still together. I’m pretty sure they finally eventually got married and I don’t know if they had kids or not, but But that’s the thing.

So my point is is that when you’re a good listener, You understand these things, you are able to give advice on certain things, you’re able to tell people. Not what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.

And, It’s true. Fight me on. That fight me on that. That’s that’s the thing. Is that uh, If you think that you were going to be, Dating somebody from their time that they’re 15. It’s going to be rainbows and fucking cherry blossoms. You got another thing coming. You’re naive.

You’re an idiot. And if life’s not going to slap you in the face, I’m gonna come by and I’m gonna slap you in the face, just for being an idiot. So yeah, that’s what uh, being a good listener is It’s a boat. You want to listen without judgment? When people know that you are a good listener.

They trust you, they come to you. They want to talk to you, they will seek you out. I’ve had people like, seek me out and They sat down and talked with me and like the things that people have told me. They’ve never told people before, or they’ve told very few people before.

And, Like, I appreciate that so much. Because that that tells me a lot of the work that I do on myself. A lot of the work that I the skills that I develop and a lot of the things that I do. That is kind of like a A confirmation when people.

When people do that, they come to me and they they share with me and They say like, hey look, I really want to talk to you about this and It’s something that I haven’t talked with. Anybody be about before? Or perhaps. You know, like I’ve never Felt so open to be able to talk to someone About this before.

I’ve always been afraid of being judged, or I’ve always been afraid of People looking at me or they would share stories with me and say, the last time I told us to somebody This is what they said. And they would tell me. What the other person said someone who they trusted enough.

That they opened up. And the other person, just It’s horrible. It’s horrible sometimes like and that’s that’s what keeps these people. Closed in and guarded off, is that? Sometimes we we think we can trust people. Can I talked about this yesterday and Even a bit the day before and sometimes we think we can trust people and We might open up to them and Then all of a sudden their, their response, Tells us everything we need to know.

And it hurts, it sucks, because For a moment there. You thought, you know what I I can trust this person. I can I can. Tell this person. This And then you do, And it totally does not go the way that you thought it was going to go. And I’ve had that many times.

Where I would open up and share and trust in someone and They turn around and just kind of kind of Fuck you over where Or they listen, but with judgment. And They judge you on it. And you’re they make you feel like a bad person. And so you’re like, oh wow.

I’ve I’ve never shared that with somebody. I didn’t know what it was going to be like, sharing that with somebody and now, I know, That apparently, I’m a bad person because of it. But you may not be a bad person. You just might have shared it with the wrong person.

And unfortunately, in order for you to know that You may have to share it with somebody else and like that person has already burned that bridge for you and you’re kind of thinking like I’ll never share that with again. It was somebody else ever again? And so it’s kind of like a a double-edged sword, it kind of sucks that way.

People ruin that and I was talking yesterday about how. People. People may come along in your life today. And you may not be as open with them. As maybe you would have been. If other people before them. Did not ruin that. Because you may have trusted people before you opened up to them and then all of a sudden They judged you, they told you that you’re a terrible person, that just whatever.

However, they reacted It made you feel bad. And then that close those doors. And you kind of built, some more walls around that And then that When a new people come in new people who might be genuinely curious about you. They genuinely want to listen, they genuinely Want. Get to know you.

They don’t get the chance to at least not right away. Because these other people have come along and they’ve ruined that for those people. And that’s really unfortunate it. That sucks. That’s that. There are people like that out there. And it’s just, Yeah, it just it’s terrible. So That’s why I was saying.

Yesterday whenever and I was saying that. If someone ever comes to you, And they, they open up to you. Don’t, don’t take that lightly. Recognize how one? How brave? That uh, that person is for doing such a thing that they are opening up to you and it might to you, it might seem small But to them, it might feel like It took all the strength and the courage that they had in order to just tell you this little thing.

And the reason they might have just told you that one little thing is because he might have wanted to know. What’s your reaction going to be? Because depending if your reaction is a, or if it’s B. They may close off or they may tell you more So, In those situations and You want to appreciate that?

Every time somebody has ever come to me. I’ve always appreciated that. I’ve always. Let them know and understood. I have always been so grateful for that. Dad, like I said, it’s kind of like a, um, a reflection of all the work that I’ve done. All the, the things that I do over the years, That people can trust me enough to talk to me about things and They want my advice.

They want they want they know that they’re not going to get some bullshit fluff answers. They know that they’re gonna Get an answer that they need to hear may not be an answer that they want to hear. But they know that they’re gonna get an answer that they need to hear.

And so, Being a good listener. Will allow people to come into that come to you about that. But also, don’t forget to just Make sure that. Hey, look. This person chose me, they chose you. You out of all the people, they chose you. They chose you with that information.

They chose you. They chose to trust you And it, it is you You’re, it’s like they’re handing this little piece of them over and saying, This is. A little bit about who I am. And I want you to know this little piece of me. And I hope that I can share more.

Bits and pieces of me with you. And they’re kind of handing it to you, they’re trusting you and they’re saying I I hope you take care of this. Just as much as I’ve taken care of it. And then, They hand that piece to you and you you take it, you you share with them.

And you say, like, You don’t worry. This little piece of you, I feel honored. That you would trust me to be able to Let me take care of this and I will. I will undoubtedly and This is very special to me. Thank you. And then over time, they will trust you with more.

And so, That’s really about being a good listener, you know? And it’s It’s a skill that not a lot of people have. How do I know this because It’s not a lot of people that I talk to, I’ll tell you that.

Because you can test people whether or not they are a good listener or not and that’s just You might share a little bits of you and then you might see how they react or what they say. And then that will easily tell you, whether or not you want to share more.

And so, I remember this one time, I was I was like doing this uh photo shoot thing. And I had like, just recently met these people. That we were all part of this thing, this event. And I had just shown up. And they had been there setting up for like a few hours or so.

And there’s two one, two. There’s like three of them who kind of like came to me almost at the same time. And they were just like, were unloading all of everything that they were going through in the morning. And I had just shown him, I just casually walking through the door, all bright and sunshine, and ready to do when I got to do.

And these freaking three, just like, Unload on me and And, I thought it was kind of funny. It was kind it kind of took me back for a second. I was like, whoa. I’m like, geez, like Calm your tits. Like I got I haven’t even had my coffee this morning, man, like, geez, And then these these people are just coming at me.

Just unloading all the stuff. But that’s that’s something that’s the burden that you’ve got a bear. And, People. People will be able to see it and recognize. And the reason that’s something like this happens is because They it’s almost like they see you. It’s the way that you walk into a room.

It’s the way that you carry yourself. It’s the way that You don’t have that stress. That a lot of people have, like, I can look at people and within minutes, I can I can tell a lot about a person. And, People can subconsciously see a lot of things as well, and they, they, So they see me walk in.

Well, it’s almost like I just walk in. I’ve got no worries. I’ve got no. Qualms no, nothing. No stress. I just ready? Full of energy, and they just see as a presence that when you walk into a room, like It’s like the the room shifts. And there they are, kind of buzzing around each other’s stressing out.

And then all of a sudden they see you. It’s almost like they have a whole lot of baggage on top of them, that people have just been piling on them all morning, coming up to them, and piling more, and more, and more, and more and more, and even things that aren’t even supposed to be.

They’re not even supposed to be bothered by or they have no control of people are just bombarding them. So, by the time I get there, They’ve already got all this bag that’s been piled on top of them. And then they see me walk. All sun, shines and rainbows. He’s like, oh my god here.

And they’re basically like trying to like unload some of that baggage off of them onto me. Not not like in like an ill will or bad intention. It’s kind of way. It’s just They’re just kind of like, They need someone to, to be able to unload that off of onto and And sometimes, you know, when you’re that kind of person, You, you you have the strength to be able to take on that.

And maybe you can even give them some feedback on its Um, What would that word be? You can. Basically, you you have the ability to be able to Just hear them out, listen to them, let them do their thing and say, hey, you know what? Give me some of those bags.

I, I can handle it. Okay, I don’t have a lot of baggage, so just come on, give it give it to you. You know, you look like, you’ve been carrying that around for quite some time. All morning. Like, don’t worry let me take some of that load off of you.

And that’s just the responsibility that you take as a A person who is a good listener, who is Genuine person who is Good person. You know, where you can. Handle your Your weight and so that’s that’s what you do. But anyways, this is a another hour of a podcast.

That’s three in three days. It’s like three hours in three days. Like That’s a really good, okay? Hope you appreciate it. Hope you got something from it and get out there. Go be a good listener. Go go with the world needs, more, good listeners. The world needs more good listeners.

Most good listeners are good people. I don’t know what the heck that is. I think in order to be a good listener, you have to be a good person. With, with that? Would that be? I don’t know that that’d be something to ponder. Like if you’re a genuine good listener, does that make you a good person?

I don’t know. I don’t know. But uh anyways, Yeah. Anyways, unplugged Freedom. Nathan. Uh, I do want to get the telegram group. Uh, yeah, going again so we can Open up telegram, check out unplugged Freedom search for it on there. I’ve got on Instagram, unplugged, Freedom and follow me on there.

Maybe trying to take a little bit of a Different direction with that. The website. I’m so busy with other stuff that I can’t even get to the website at the moment. But anyways, I hope you enjoyed this. Hope you got some from it. And I hope that, I hear stories about you improving your Listening skills and being a good listener.

And Yeah. Anyways. I’ll see ya.