My Journey Towards God…

[00:00:00] Yo, what is happening, guys? Nathan, back once again with another episode of the Unplugged Freedom podcast. And in today’s episode, we are going to be talking about a few things. But one of the main topics that we’re going to talk about is, do I believe in God? Or maybe do you believe in God? And so the reason that I wanted to talk about this is because it. It’s very. It’s a very interesting thing that I’ve run into along the way on. On my journey, and that could be either my. My journey towards God or just my journey in general. And the thing is, is that I have. I’ve come a long way from where I used to be. I used to be very closed in, laugh at people when it came to the topic of God or religion or church or anything like that. And so I’ve gone from that to having experiences in my life that are, I would say, unexplainable. And then kind of thinking that there’s. It’s almost. It almost feels like there’s. There’s something that is happening on purpose for me in my life, and I don’t know why. And so with that, I’ve kind of evolved over the years, and then eventually kind of being more open to the idea that somewhere along the line, maybe I just might. Maybe accept this so called being, or I don’t even know if it’s a being. That’s. That’s the thing. Like this so called topic or subject or whatever it is. Power of God. Maybe there might be a day, I don’t know. Could be tomorrow, could be next week, could be a decade from now. Who knows? So do I. I don’t necessarily, like, at the. Like right here, right now. And there’s. There’s my own reasons. There’s my own reasons as to. As to why I may not. And to kind of give you maybe a comparison. I would say a few episodes ago, I’d say probably about ten episodes, maybe I had talked about the journey, about my hair. And you may look at me and you see this long hair on me, but the thing is, is that to me and how I got to this point with my hair is actually. It’s actually quite the story. Because in order for me to get to this point, I had to overcome some things within. And so I believe that in order for me to accept God into my life, let’s say that I have to overcome certain things, whatever those may be. Maybe it’s the accepting of help from outside of myself. Maybe it’s asking for help outside of myself, maybe it’s trusting more in the process than I already do because it’s almost like I am on the edge, but I just don’t have the education. I just don’t have the knowledge. And so talking about my hair is that in order for me to get to where I am today with my hair, there was a lot of things that I had to overcome in order to finally accept and be able to be comfortable with growing my hair, especially to this length. And so that’s kind of like how I compare it to. So there’s a journey, and in order for you to get to where you’re going, you have to overcome some certain things. And so for some people, it’s sooner. Maybe you just came out of the womb and you just popped out and you’re like, whoa, whoa. This is crazy. This is God. Fantastic. Okay. And then for some people, they took a little bit longer and. And then, you know, for some people, maybe it took them a little bit longer, but the idea is not to distinguish or to dismiss these people and to just kind of crush them while they’re on their journey. And so it’s kind of similar to. I shared the story about. Actually, no, I didn’t share the story about my hair. Someone had said that you’re holding on to pain or you’re holding on to. There’s something that you’re not dealing with, and that’s why you have long hair. And I thought that that was very interesting because I was like, no, actually the. It’s quite the opposite. It’s letting go of so much, like, letting go of so many internal things. And that’s why I have, I’ve gotten to this point with long hair. I don’t really know what direction I’m gonna go with it because I’m still learning about it. But to get to here, I had to overcome a lot of things. And so it’s a very interesting story. I would highly recommend take a look at that podcast. And so, within myself, you know, I’ve gone from, like, a very, say, spiritual person, like, like I said, laughing at people who, who wouldn’t, who would talk about God or think, like, wow, you believe in some. Some guy up in the sky, like, wow. And then kind of seeing things and recognizing things over my life. Like, I’ve been in car accidents that I’ve literally just walked away. I should be dead. I should be. I should be, you know, injured. I should, you know, maybe be in jail. Like, there’s a whole shitload of things that I should be. I should have. But there were so many situations where it was almost like I got not got away with it. Like, haha. I got away with it, but it was like. It was like someone was looking after me. And not just once, but many times throughout my life. And if you’ve heard some of the stories, you know, I’ve talked about the best $11,000 that I ever spent. That’s a good story. On my podcast, I have talked about just, um, so many things like that. That’s a really good story. I really like that one. And that one I remember. Was it that one? Yeah, it was that one. And I shared that story with someone who did believe in God. And I remember she looked at me and she was like, nathan, I want you to know that, like, that. That’s God right there. That what you just shared with me, if you ever wanted to know what God is, if you ever wanted to have, like, an understanding of. Of God, that right there, what you experienced is God. And that was like, ten years ago. And, yeah, I may not still ten years. I’m still on that journey. I still haven’t, you know, but the thing is, is that I haven’t educated myself in that way. I don’t know much. Like, how can I accept something that I don’t know about, that I don’t have enough knowledge of? And one thing that I find is really interesting is that there are people who come into your life, and I’ve had this many times over, is that. Is that people will. I don’t know. Like, I find that so many times, like, people who do or have accepted God into their life, they’re not necessarily very good. They’re. They’re very rude. They’re very judgmental. They’re very. Just condescending. They’re very. They’re not necessarily people that I would personally look up to and want to be like, I don’t look at them, and I’m like, wow. So are you saying that if I were to accept God into my life, that I have to be an asshole like you? I have to be a terrible person like you? Is like, do I have to do that? And so I’ve. I’ve seen this so many times, and it’s so interesting. And.
[00:06:33] Or perhaps I might be asking questions, and then they get very defensive and they get, you know, angry that I’m asking questions. Like, I’m asking questions because I’m trying to understand. I’m wanting to understand, like, help. Help me understand. And so in any situation, you know, somebody’s asking questions like, that’s, that’s what you want. If someone shuts down and just, like, leaves, then you’ve lost that potential. But if they’re sitting there and saying, okay, so website, you’re saying, cost $5,000, and you’re talking about, like, how does that payment work? Okay, what is included in that? Do I get to partake in the design? And what are you going to use to build it on? Like, they’re asking questions like, you can work with that. And so. But if they just shut down and say, no, I’m not paying that, I’m out of here, and they leave, well, you’ve lost that opportunity. And so I find it very interesting that a lot of times, these people are very, very rude. They’re very judgmental. They’re very condescending in a way. And it’s just, I look at them and I’m like, I.
[00:07:32] You’re not the spokesperson. You’re not the spokesperson. You say that you’re this many times, it’s like they’re high up on their horse thinking that they’re better than you. And, you know, I’ve had people that just dismiss my journey that just, you know, basically laugh at it and just say that it’s worthless or it’s nothing. And you’re like, wow, okay, okay. Um. I I’ve actually been very proud of how far I’ve come in my, in my own spiritual journey and discovering who I am and where I’m going. And, uh, and you just basically just shit all over that. Wow. Aren’t you just the, uh, cream of the crop? I bet the big man would be proud of you. You know, it’s like, if you are such a believer and you are such a godsend, then wouldn’t, wouldn’t he be more proud if you helped educate that person and brought them just a little bit closer to that point? But I find a lot of times, like, they, they don’t. And so many times for myself, like, I’m. I try to be a good person. I try to help out when I can. I try to give back when I can. I try to do the best that I can. And, you know, I have a. I’d say a fairly healthy, uh. What would I say? Like, I, um. If I mess something up, I’m kind of like, you know, down on myself in a healthy way. And what I mean by that is I try to make sure that I improve upon. I’m like, man, I fucked that up yesterday. Like, how can I. How can I improve upon that. So that the next time I’m in that situation, the next time I have that, I don’t mess it up. And so, yes, I feel bad about it in the moment, but I’m not, like, super, super down about it. And so, like I said, it’s a healthy wanting to grow, wanting to be better. And so, like, that’s kind of, like, my mindset. And so when. When I see these people and they’re just super rude, there’s. They’re just some of the most. Yeah, it’s disgusting, to say the least. And it’s. To me, I look at it like, if you are what I have to be in order to. To accept so called God into my life, then I’m happy with not accepting because I don’t want to be like you. That’s. That’s not the kind of person that I want to be. Somebody who’s rude, somebody who’s condescending, judgmental, and just. No. So to kind of, like, put it into perspective in one way is I hire, like, I work with coaches, and so I have a coach that I’ll come in. I’m like, hey, I made this ad. I don’t know why it’s not converting. I don’t know why I’m not getting clicks onto it. I don’t know why nobody’s clicking onto my ad. It’s not like the coach comes in, okay? You hire a coach because they have more knowledge than you, more expertise in the subject that you’re after, and they are supposed to be there to help you. And so it’s not like he comes in. He’s like, you don’t see what’s wrong with this ad? Like, no, dude. Like, to me, it makes sense because, like, I’ve got this and I got that, and, like, yeah, so I just don’t get it. I’ve been running traffic to it, and nobody’s clicking on it. It’s like, well, it’s right in front of your face. It’s right there. Like, how do you not see it? You’re like, well, I don’t see it. Okay, like, like, I’m sorry. Help educate me. Like, he’s like, he’s like, oh, this is just terrible. You’re like, you’re not even close. And you’re like, like, what do you mean I’m not even close? Like, I thought I was close. Why aren’t I close? I thought I was close. Like, can you help me? Help me understand? But no, that’s not what the coach does because that’s not a good coach. That’s not a good person. A good coach comes in and looks at it and says, huh, you’re actually really close. Do you see if we make this change in your ad, in your headline that you see how big of a difference that makes? And you’re looking at and you’re like, oh, I see. Like, wow. Okay, okay. I can’t believe I didn’t see that before. Okay, okay. Thank you. Thank you. And so now you have new knowledge. Now you have new, new expertise on the subject, and so now moving forward, you’re a little bit closer to being better. So then the next time you call upon your coach, he’s not helping you with the same type of problem. He’s helping you with the new type of problem. And so that’s. That’s what I kind of find with a lot of people, is that when it comes to the subject of God, you know, they’re high up on their high horse because they’re a believer, and. And here you are, you know, you’re coming along, you’re doing your thing, and. And, you know, they just will shit all over your. Your journey. And it, uh. It’s. It’s terrible. It’s absolutely terrible. And so I remember this. You know, one time I was on, like, um. I don’t know, this, like, one chick came in on Instagram and stuff, and we were, like, chatting, and subject of God came in, and it was just, once again, just like, like, oh, my God, I can’t believe like, that. You don’t like. How can you not? And it’s just like, like, no, I’m not there yet. You seem to have all the knowledge. Okay. Up on your high horse. Why don’t you help me? Why don’t you help me understand rather than make fun of where I am, rather than put me down, because I’m not up on the high horse like you. And so it’s. It’s a very interesting thing because we all have a journey, and it’s our journey in life. It’s our journey to God. Let’s say it’s our journey to self discovery, our journey on many, many aspects. But the thing is, is that for some people, they may get it right away. So one thing could be, what is your journey of your passion? For some people, they may get it right out of the gate. They do art. They draw. They’re amazing at it. But then there’s some people who. It takes them a little bit longer. They’re not quite sure, like, well, I’m good at this. And I’m good at that, and I enjoy this and I enjoy that. And it takes them a little bit longer. And so, like, do we come in and do we laugh at these people? Do we dismiss, like, oh, wow, you’re not even close. Like, you know, and, and all this shit. And we just shit all over their journey of, of discovering their passion? No, we don’t do that. We ask them question, what do you like to do? Why do you like to do that? If you could, if you could do something else, is there anything else you’d like? What did you like about that? What didn’t you like about that? And you help them understand and maybe bring them a little bit closer. They may not just find their passion right within your, within speaking to them, but they might be a little bit closer and like, oh, thank you so much. Oh, I never thought of it that way. Wow, you’re so smart. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. And then they go and they take off and then they send you a text message saying, like, oh, my God, I know what I’m gonna do. And I’m sharing this because this is exactly what I have. You know, I have text messages like this, you know, people coming back to me and saying, thank you so much, I love this. You know, I was, that conversation with you, it just kind of, like, opened up my eyes, and I know what I’m gonna do now, and it’s all thanks to you. And, and that’s, that’s the kind of, that’s the kind of stuff that I enjoy and that I love. And so. But I don’t come in, like, just shit all over these people. Like, what do you mean you haven’t found your passion? What do you mean you haven’t, you know, haven’t experienced happiness? You haven’t experienced love? Like, what are you, just stupid? Like, and no, you help understand, like, why, why haven’t you, you tell me that you’ve never experienced love before. Thought you did, but you tell me that you’ve never experienced it. Why is that? What do you think love is? And so you help understand. You help them understand, and you also try to understand them. You don’t judge them. You don’t, you know, dismiss them, dismiss their journey. You know, shit all over anything. And so you, you see where they’re at, you see where they’re going. You see where they’ve come from. And so I think it’s just, it’s a very interesting thing that there’s these people who say they’re all about God, but then they act in a certain way, and you’re like, if that’s how I have to be, then I don’t want to be a part of that. I’m gonna shy away and I’m gonna go in this direction. And so many people are like that. I remember this was quite a while ago. It was like ten years ago, and I was dating this one girl, and the.
[00:14:52] I was listening to an audiobook, and this was kind of like near the end of. I wouldn’t say, yeah, I’d say near the end ish of our relationship. Let’s say that within the last year, and I think it was like six years or something, and I was, I was learning and I was reading different books, and I was kind of like, finding, finding new meaning to life and all these things. And, and one of the authors that I was listening to, he spoke about God a lot of times. He would mention God many times, and for me, didn’t mean a thing. It was just whatever. It’s just he could say God, but I would take it in however I needed it. And so he would. And I’d just be listening to this audiobook while I was working or something, and I was at home, and I remember her saying to me, like, oh, what are you being some God believer now? Or some snarky comment like that? I was just like, no, like, he can talk about God all he wants, but I have the ability and the capacity to be able to listen to the deeper underlining message. I’m not just shielding and blocking myself just because he says the word God, but I’m listening beyond that to the message that he’s actually trying to tell me and to share with me and the knowledge and so I can pull some value from that. But she was the kind of person who, once God was mentioned, would just shut all doors. And so that is one thing that I always found was interesting with some people, too. And I can understand because, you know, that we, you know, we may have negative experiences about religion or God or church or whatever it may be. And so, yeah, I thought that that was very interesting, that that was kind of like the, the beginning stages where I didn’t necessarily, he would say and talk about God, and, but I wouldn’t. I would kind of, I wouldn’t relate it to God in a way. I would just relate it to however I needed to relate it and, and say, translate it into whatever I needed. Whereas today, if he were to talk about God, I have a little bit more openness to be able to, to accept it as God, let’s say. It’s kind of hard to explain, but rather than taking the information in separating, say, the figure of God from the message that he’s trying to get across, it’s like, I would take the message in now, but still keeping the God aspect attached. So hopefully that makes sense. But that just kind of shares, like, the journey that I’ve come from, you know, know, and being open to it and, and how. How people. How people are. And, yeah, it’s, uh, definitely very interesting. You know, people are people are people. They will definitely be people. That was a six year relationship I left that. I learned that, um, if you don’t stick in an unhappy relationship, then you’re afraid of commitment. So, uh, make sure you stay in those unhappy relationships and marriages, kids, because, uh, you don’t want to be afraid of commitment, now, do you? When you buy a vehicle, say, say no to the 60 months financing, you want the 92, you want to show them that you’re committed. All right? And so this is just the, the shit that I run into with people. Like, just the idiocracy is just absurd, to be, to be frank. Really. Just you’re in an unhappy marriage or unhappy relationship. And like, like I said, here I am. I’m on this journey of self discovery. And, you know, the person that I’m with is kind of stagnant in a way, and doesn’t even want to, doesn’t even want to have those doors open. And so it’s just interesting that, you know, as you’re growing in this way, that if you, um, that if you leave that you’re clearly unhappy, it’s clearly not working out. And that if you leave that, then, um, you know, you’re afraid of commitment. And that’s. Yeah, it’s just an interesting thing that I see from people. And it’s not, uh, not the first time that I’ve seen it or heard it, and you’re like, have you not heard what I’m, what I’ve been talking about? Like, I was, I was unhappy. Okay.
[00:18:50] Uh, yeah, there’s just, there’s just different things of people, that’s for sure, that I’ve, that I’ve experienced in over the, over the life. And what I want to say, what my message to people always is, that is, is that if you want to be in a relationship, I want you to take your time and I want you to really ask yourself, is this somebody who I want to spend my life with? I know in that situation, you know, we had been together for so long created a life and all these things together. But I wouldn’t say that I was necessarily happy and then looking down the road and saying, okay, the next steps are marriage, buy a house, have kids. If I’m already here at this point where I’m not necessarily happy and we take those steps, is that going to equate to happiness? Is it going to bring me closer to that? It’s pretty big. What if. I would say it was very interesting. And so I know we got a little bit off topic there, but yeah, people are, people are people, most definitely people. People don’t, people are very superficial. They are very, they don’t like to go deep. I was actually having a really good conversation with somebody yesterday and we were talking about this subject that people don’t, people don’t like to go deep, they don’t, they don’t like to go there, like to stick on the surface. And they, they have their little world that they’ve created and anything outside of that just is too much for them. And it causes them stress, causes them anxiety and it’s, it’s unfortunate. And so where’s like, as someone like me, I’m very open to the idea of a lot of things. Like I said, if you want to have eight kids, if that’s what is in your soul that you want to have eight kids, that’s what I want you to do. If you want to get married and you want to live with that person for the rest of your life, find out that that’s truly what you want to do. And if that is, then please go do that. If you want to work at McDonald’s or maybe other fast food places for the rest of your life, because you love it. You love the energy of it, you love the experience of it, you love that stuff. And it just fills your heart. It has everything that just is you. Please go do that. Don’t become a plumber, don’t become an architect, don’t become a doctor just because it may pay more or it may look better or it may impress other people. Like, find out what it is that’s within you and do that. And so it’s, it’s a very interesting thing that I see from a lot of people. Very, people are very, people are very judgmental. I know I’m very judgmental. Absolutely. Actually, I was about to go into a topic, but I’m gonna actually save that for another podcast. But swinging back to God and religion and all these things of myself and do I believe in God? I’m much more open to it, that’s for sure. Because I see things, and like I said, I may not be there today because who knows? There’s certain things that I may have to overcome in order to get to that point. And maybe I have to figure those things out. Maybe you have to figure those things out, whatever they may be. And just like I was saying, like, the journey for me to get my hair this long, it’s super long. The journey for me to get here with my hair, I had to overcome a lot of things, a lot of childhood things, a lot of internal things, a lot of beliefs that I had about myself and society and just all these different things. And when I look back at how it all started, well, the. That’s where, once again, it’s almost like the idea of, let’s say God was looking out for me and said, hey, we’re gonna put you in this situation, and then we’re gonna do this. And then what that’s gonna do is that’s gonna lead you to this, and then that is going to start the new journey of you, the new evolution of you. And so when I look back at it now, I’m like, huh. It’s interesting how that all kind of played out so perfectly, but in the moment, it definitely doesn’t look perfect. It looks just like a mess. I’m just talking about the journey and how things like. Like I said, if you. If you know the journey of my hair, it’s. It’s wild. There’s a lot of meaning to it. Like. Like I said, people look at me, they’ll just see my long hair. But I look in the mirror and I know what I had to overcome. I know what I had to do. I know that five years ago, I probably would have looked at you and said, there’s no way I’d have hair that long. And so it’s, uh. It’s quite the thing, that’s for sure. Uh, there was. There was something else I was gonna say and mention. I’m just trying to think as to what the heck it was. Um, keeping on the topic of God. And. I don’t know. People always tell me that there’s. There’s a difference between God and religion, and, like, once again, I don’t have that knowledge. So I just kind of intertwine the two. But then some people were like, no. Religion is this and God is this. And I’m like, well, I don’t know. You seem to be the expert up on your high horse. Why don’t you just fucking educate educate me. Okay. Instead of, like, just shitting all over my journey, you know, my self discovery and trying to get to that point, okay. Trying to get to the holy land, you know, where you seem to already be up on your high horse. But, yeah, sorry if I’m not there yet or if I even want to be. That’s the thing. It’s like you’re looking at these situations. You’re like, do I want to be there? And you look at these people, and it’s kind of like when I go into a job and people always ask me, they always say, are you going to make a career out of this? And I always. I can’t necessarily answer the question, but how I do answer the question, how I answer the question for myself is I look around at the people who have made a career out of this, and I look at them and I ask myself, do they have what I want? Do they have happiness? Do they have, you know, confidence? Do they walk with, you know, a certain posture? Do they carry themselves in a certain way? Do they have what I want? Do they have the essence of just, you know, being a good person? Very few of them actually do. A lot of the times, very few. Like, there are ones that are just like, I want to be like that person. That person has what I want. And they just walk into a room. They control the room. They’re just that presence about them. I’m like that person right there, but there’s, like one of those out of the hundreds. And then that just tells me, well, no, I don’t want to make a career because I can look at all these other people who have made a career out of this, and that’s not what I want. So then when it comes to the subject of God, for example, and do you. Do I believe in God? And why don’t you believe in God? I look at the people who do believe in God, and I think, do they have what I want? And a lot of times they’re very judgmental. They’re very rude. They’re very condescending. They’re just very. They’re a certain type of person that I just don’t seek to be. I’m like, well, I don’t want to be like that. I just. I try my hardest to be kind wherever I can. I try my hardest to give back and give value. I try my hardest to be a good person, a decent human being. I work hard, I play hard. You know, I do my best. Do I mess up? Do I fuck up? Do I make the wrong decisions? Do I say the wrong thing? Yes, absolutely.
[00:25:24] Many times over. Do I think certain thoughts? Yeah, I do. And I’m gonna continue to do those, but I’m gonna try and learn along the way and do my best to be. To be better. And so that’s why I say when I look at these people and it’s like, you don’t have what I want because I don’t want to be like you. Like, if you could see you right now, you’re very, you’re a very ugly person. Let’s say ugly in the aspect that you’re just, you’re not a good person. And so that’s why when these people come along and I just look at them, do they have what I want? Are they who I want to be? Is that what I want to be a part of? And so in my journey and talking about, like, what I may think God may be, that’s another thing, too, is like, I have my own visions of, like, or understandings of questioning of what I may think God would like. I had one, and I’m trying to, like, explain this. And it’s just the idea of me playing with or having the idea of, like, this is my idea of God. That means that you’re, you’re accepting of the idea of God already. You may not be fully believing in him, but you’re at least accepting the idea of him because you have a certain idea of him and what you may think that he may be like. And so I’ve shared this with people, and once again, it’s just like, they just dismiss it. Like, oh, that’s stupid. No, it’s not even like that whatsoever. You’re like, oh, okay. Um, fantastic. Interesting. So, uh, basically, like, you’re just saying that, uh, supposedly God isn’t proud of me because I just don’t believe in him. But you believe in him and he’s proud of you and you’re just like, this amazing, holy person. And so. But from. For myself, like, you know, they talk about, like, God has created you and, like, for myself, like, yeah, he’s created me. He says, this is, this is going to be Nathan. I’m gonna, I’m gonna create Nathan. He’s gonna be of this background. He’s gonna be of this height. He’s gonna be of this, this, this. He’s got all these things. He’s, he’s gonna be really good in this aspect. He’s gonna, going to be not so good in this aspect, but he’s going to be really good in these. So he’s kind of shaping all these things. He says, this is Nathan. And I’ll tell you right now, 17 years ago, when I was 20 years old, mmm, I wouldn’t say God wasn’t proud of me because I would say he would be. He would be proud because he would see that I was making those changes in order to be that person of what he created. He created me. He says, I’m gonna, this is, this is Nathan. These are the skills that he has. This is the talents that he has. This is, this is who he has. This is all of these things. But if I never utilized that and I never discovered if I was the person who I was, let’s say, 15 years old, 1617, and I just continued to be that person, the person who you are talk, you’re listening to today wouldn’t exist. And so then eventually, let’s say I pass away and die. And, you know, God looks at that and says, hmm, I created him with all these talents and all these things and all these beliefs and all, all these lessons. And he didn’t learn from the lessons. He didn’t take the talents that I gave him, he didn’t take the skills and the knowledge that all of those things that I gave him and that he had access to, he didn’t utilize that, unfortunately. And once again, this is just my idea. This is my understanding of where I am and what I understand so far of God. And like I said, just me having this, having my own, having my own understanding of what I think God is or is like, that means I’m closer and much more accepting of God. Because if I wasn’t, then I would just be like, no, God didn’t fucking create me. I created me, okay? I fucking chiseled myself out from my own stone. He had nothing to do with it. And don’t take away my fucking, don’t take away any of my hard work that I put in. He didn’t do anything. Where is he? Okay? Where is he? Because if he really exists, then why did he take my best friend away when I was 16 years old? If he really exists, why would he take this person away from me? If he really existed, why would he do this to me? The so called higher being is, you know, seems like a pretty terrible person if you ask me. That. That’s, that’s the kind of person who I could be. But me just having the idea of saying this is my idea of what I think that he would be like. And if you are all knowing of God and you’re, you know, high on your horse, which I don’t recommend. Be, be understanding. See where somebody’s at. Be like, oh, I like, I like your understanding. You know, I see where you’re going with that. But what about if you thought of it in this way, and then once again, you help me understand. You help me understand, because I’m not quite there. I may not be where you are, but I’m slowly getting there. I’m slowly opening it up more and more. So, if you are and you happen to be a believer in God, don’t be like those assholes that are out there. Don’t be like those high on their horse, just full of, you know, thinking that they’re all that and a bag of chips and, you know, they just walk on water and they’re just judging everybody, you know, below them, beneath them. And you’re. Don’t be like that. There’s so many of those people out there. If you have more knowledge in me of something, let’s say you have more knowledge in me of God. And you see and you recognize, you listen and you understand, and you’re like, wow, man, I love your story of how you got into where you were and where you are today. I love that you’re open to the idea. And I think it’s really interesting that you have situations in your life that I would see as God, and other people have told you that they see it as God, but you haven’t. That’s really interesting. Why is that? Tell me another story as to that. You can’t explain that you think that something is protecting you. And then I tell you a story about how I survived this crazy car crash, literally just walked away from it, where it was death on one side, down the cliff, into the river, down the frickin canyon, or into the embankment and. Yeah, but I walked away from that. Or I could tell you about another car crash where I came in, hit a telephone pole, flipped, landed upside down into the middle of the intersection, crawled out of the vehicle with barely a scratch on me. I could tell you about that story, too. I could tell you about the story that we got locked up as a teenager, and then in the middle of the night, we just got set free. No harm, no foul. Uh, let’s see. What else could I tell you about? I could tell you about the story I got stabbed in the back. I could tell you the story about. I could tell you a lot of things. I could tell you all these situations where I look at it, and it’s almost as if somebody’s there protecting me and just saying, okay, you messed up here. I’m hoping that you’re gonna learn, and I’m hoping that you’re gonna change your direction from this, because if you do, you’re going to be off and you’re going to be doing some great, amazing things, and I hope that you do. Here’s your lesson. And I’m given that lesson. And over the years, I’ve learned to take those lessons in and take them to heart and appreciate them so that I can look back and say, wow, thank you. I have, um. I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast somewhere, but for those of you don’t know, my parents passed away. My mom passed away when I was in Bali in 2018. And that was, um, I was very sad that I wasn’t here for her. And shortly after that, after I came back, I went back to Bali. And I couldn’t kind of get my dad out of my head because my dad’s purpose in life was to take care of my mom. And my mom had Ms, and that was. He took care of her. And now that purpose, because we’re purpose driven beings. And now that that purpose wasn’t there anymore for him, he was just out there by himself, just living every day. And that was really sad to me. And so here I was. I went all the way back to Bali. Supposed to be living in this, like, beautiful place, you know, and this was just. I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I said, I can’t be here. You know, he’s getting older. He’s getting. He’s all by himself. He’s, you know, starting to get into, like, dementia and all these things. And eventually it came to the point where I was just like, I gotta go. I can’t be here. Not enjoying it. I’m not enjoying any, any of this. I just want. I just want to be back. And that was one of the reasons. There’s a multitude of reasons as to why I came back from Bali, but it was in my heart, it was in my, like, I had to. I couldn’t be out there enjoying myself in such a way when, you know, my dad’s alone and, you know, without. Without our mom and, you know, he’s getting older, he’s getting sicker, he’s getting all these, like, things, and who am I supposed to rely on? My. My sister? Yeah, we all know how that turns out. So this was just in my heart, and I had to come back. And so in my mind, and this the reason I’m telling you this is because in my mind, I had a plan, and my plan was I was gonna come back. I was gonna stay with my dad, help my dad, and eventually he’d pass away. Three to five years. Let’s say dementia gets worse, yada, yada. Maybe we put him in a home. And so that was kind of like my plan, my idea, kind of like what I was preparing for. And so I, um, I had about ten months with him. Eight months, actually. I came back in April, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December. 910 months. I had ten months. February, March. Yeah, ten months. I had passed away ten months later. And it was kind of, it was kind of surprising, because there was, there’s almost like, this routine of, of how I was living during that time and, you know, taking him out. My job was crazy and was on call and everything, and sometimes I’d feel guilty because I, I had to sleep. I’d come back from a trip and I’d have to sleep. But then he had, you know, I hadn’t, he hadn’t been, you know, taken out of the hospital for a couple days, so he’s just been cooped up in there, and I feel guilty, like I need sleep. But at the same time, I, I got to take care of him. And so then, but then sometimes I’d choose the sleep over, and I was just like, ah, it was a very interesting time. And so I, I, um. That was kind of like my routine of what I would do. And I thought that this routine would basically be, be the same for, um, until he eventually passed. And so three to five years is kind of what I was expecting. And then by that time, then I would change the course of my journey. And who knows? After that, January 2020, I go into, I see my dad, and he’s in, he’s in rough shape. It just went from like, yeah, it just, it was bad. And so I spent some time with him, and because I actually went to go take him out, and he was like, he’s not feeling good at all. It was just not good. And then, um, um, tried to help him eat, and, you know, he wasn’t really eating much and couldn’t take him out, and I said, okay. And I remember, um, one of, like, we would always go out for a drive, and I’d always take him with me whenever I had to go out there. And he loved it. And, um, he, when I was talking him into bed, like, he was in rough shape. It was, it was very sad to see because it was just, there was just kind of like the usual what you, what you were used to of him. But then all of a sudden now it was completely different. He just, you know, took a left turn. And so, yeah, I tried to help him eat a little bit, and then I said, okay, well, I’ll talk you into bed. So I talked him into bed, and as I was leaving, you know, he says to me, he’s like, hey, when are we going to Shelly? Shelly was the place that we would drive to. And I just said, like, when you get better, when you get better, we’ll go. I’ll be back tomorrow. And the next day, I got a phone call from the hospital and they said, hey, your dad’s not doing so good. He had a stroke. We need you to come down here. And so we went down and we had family and stuff there, and they had said that he was 80 years old, you know, he lived a good life. And he, they just kind of said, like, we could keep him with the oxygen, we could keep him, you know, maybe as a vegetable for a little bit, or we just let him kind of go out. And it’s definitely a hard decision, of course, you know, like, this is, this is somebody who, who took care of you. And if you know my story, I think I did share that story, how a seven year old kid changed his life. I think the title of that podcast is. And so, um, that, that’s a, that’s a, it’s a really good story. And it kind of explains, like, where I came from and all the things that I’ve experienced and why my parents mean so much to me. So it’s, so it was definitely tough to kind of make that decision of just, well, let’s just let him do his thing. So he had a stroke and it was actually very, he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t, like, really react. He wasn’t necessarily there. But one thing that was really interesting was we had some relatives, they came and, like, they were always about music, they’re always about guitar, and I don’t think they had the guitar, I can’t remember, but they were singing. One of my dad’s favorite songs was you are my sunshine. And I remember that they were, they were singing, we were all in the room and he was reacting to that. And it was very interesting to see because he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t really see if he was there or present, but he was reacting to that. And it was very interesting. I can’t remember how long it lasted, but eventually, a couple days later, he had passed away, and I was in the room and basically just woke up and the nurse came in and, yeah, during the night, he had passed away. And it was, uh, it was sad. I was very. Yeah, it was. It was definitely tough. I, um. But the. The reason that I’m talking about this is because sometimes we have this plan, and my plan was three to five years that, you know, this would happen. And then I had a plan. But sometimes God, let’s say, has a different plan, kind of sees your plan and says, hey, look, I know you have a plan, and it’s a good plan, don’t get me wrong. However, I’m going to change it around a little bit because we need you for something else. And you are not going to like the plan in the beginning, but we’re going to give you everything you need in order to get you through it. And so the plan change. My dad passed away much sooner than I was thinking or hoping or planning. And I was up north. And it was interesting because I remember driving across this bridge. In my whole purpose for being in this town, there was no purpose anymore. It was a very empty feeling. It was very interesting. I was just. I remember driving across this bridge and I’m like, why? Why am I here? Like, I don’t need to be here. Because the only reason I was there was because my dad, the only reason I was living. Like, if my dad would have lived for ten years, then I would have lived in this place for ten years. There would have been no doubt in my mind. But once he was gone, my whole reasoning for being in this place was ab, was gone. It disappeared. It vanished. And I remember that feeling. It was so interesting because it was just like an empty feeling. And then after I had a week off from work and which was definitely very tough, I called my boss not too long afterwards, and I said, hey, because I was thinking, like, if I don’t have to be here, then why am I here? That means I can go anywhere. So I kind of thought about it, thought about what I wanted to do and all these different things, and called my boss. I said, how do I transfer? I said, oh, you just do this. Okay, then I want to transfer. And I transferred. I transferred to a place. It was actually the smallest town I’ve ever lived in. I transferred to this little tiny town. And I was actually worried because I’ve always lived in cities. Always lived in cities. And I was worried. I’m like, I don’t know if I could live in this place. It’s so small. And I found this, like, beautiful. And even this suite that I found, I remember looking at it because I was kind of toying with the idea of transferring there, and I saw this thing. I’m like, oh, I really like that. And I saw some other places I was just kind of seeing. And then when I finally, a couple weeks later, decided that I wanted to transfer, I wonder if that place is still available. And it was. And I just went through the process. Bam. Got it. It was, it was like everything had worked out. So once again, you know, it’s, it’s like the plan was in line, and I lived in that place for a year, and I absolutely loved it. And so one thing that was interesting was that fast forward a year later, a year and a bit later, and I was moving out of that place, and I thought that I was just, I was like, okay, I’m just gonna pack my stuff, clean up, and I’m taking off. I thought it was just gonna go bingo bango, be done within a day. But as I started packing everything up in this place, and it wasn’t a very big place, but I was packing everything up. You’re going through all the different things and all these little things that you’ve accumulated. They have a meaning. They have a memory attached to them. And it wasn’t just clean up, pack up, be on your way. It was all these emotions and all these thoughts and all these feelings were coming back and just at an extreme rate. And the next thing you know, you’re just like, wow. You almost see the bigger picture that my mom passed away in 2018, my dad passed away early 2020, and then I, shortly after that, moved to this place. And this place was kind of like my, my time to recover. Because I’ve mentioned in this podcast as well, is that I I never realized just how big of a part that my parents played in my, in my life. Like, I talk about all these adventures and all these things and all the places that I’ve been, and when they were gone, it was almost like, why bother? And it was really interesting. It was a very interesting feeling because, yeah, like, I knew that they were an important part, and I knew that I loved sharing these adventures and these things that I was doing with them. Like, I knew that. But when they were actually gone, it was like, why? Why go do those cool things? Why go do those fun things? Who cares? You don’t have. You don’t have your parents to share it with. And that was a very, very, very interesting thing to experience, a very hard thing to overcome. It’s almost like your purpose in life. It’s not. And I always say that it’s not like my purpose was in somebody else. It’s not like I was living for them like I was living for myself, but they were just a big part of the enjoyment that I was getting out of life and that I would share with them, and I really enjoyed that. And there was nobody else who I enjoyed. Like, if there was somebody that I enjoyed my life with, it was them. And so that that realization was very hard and hard to overcome. It was almost like a purpose in your life was just gone. You’re just like, why bother? Why do anything cool? Why do those cool things? Why go on those adventures if it doesn’t matter? It was a very empty feeling, a very scary feeling in a way, because if you’ve ever felt like your purpose, leave. It’s a very. It makes you feel very small. It makes you feel very uncertain. You have no direction in life. You have no. You don’t have any of that. And so it was very, very tough to overcome that very interesting feeling to experience. So here I am trying to move out of this place, and all of a sudden, all these emotions and feelings and memories start coming back to me and just hitting me extremely hard. And that, because that place that I had moved into of this new town that I’ve never lived in, this small, tiny town, that was, like, my recovery time. So my plan originally was kiboshed, and then the plan had changed, but I was given, hey, we’re gonna give you this little piece here, and this is gonna help you recover. This is gonna help you become the person that you are meant to be. This is gonna help rebuild you and reshape you. You’re gonna have everything. You’re gonna be crushed. You’re gonna be just absolutely devastated, and you’re not gonna like it. You’re not gonna like this plan, but we’re going to give you everything that you need in order to come out of it. And then when you look back at it, you’re going to appreciate the plan a lot more. And I do. I do appreciate the plan.
[00:44:06] I absolutely do, 100%. I look back at it now, and I say to myself that I’m glad that it turned out the way that it did. I got to spend that time with my dad. The decision of coming back to Bali, literally, I was living in Bali and just changing my whole entire life and coming back and taking care of him. I got to spend the last summer with him. Well, actually, no, because, uh, yeah, uh, but I got to spend that last ten months with him, and you get to hold that with you for the next. Next, um. For the rest of your life. Yeah. So, um, it’s just interesting that you can have a plan, and then the plan has changed. You may not like the plan in the beginning, but then you may look back at the plan later on, and then you’re like, I appreciate the plan. I appreciate how you changed it, how you helped me grow, how you helped me, how you helped me change, and how you helped me, how you helped bring me closer to you. And so, uh. Yeah, it’s kind of like my. My, um. That’s kind of like my journey to God. So far. It’s been a good one. And don’t ever let anybody dismiss your journey. Your journey may take longer than mine. Mine’s taken a long time.
[00:45:16] But don’t ever let anybody dismiss yours. Don’t ever let anybody think that your. Your journey of either self discovery, your spiritual journey, your journey to God, your journey to find your passion, your journey of any of this, don’t ever let anybody dismiss that. Don’t ever let anybody crush that. If you’re working your ass off and you’re. You’re going in the direction that you want to go to, you may not be there yet today, but you may be there tomorrow. Don’t let anybody ever dismiss that. And if you ever need somebody who would love to hear about your journey, you know, I would most definitely love to hear about it. I will encourage you, I will do my best in order to be able to help you get a little bit closer to it, get a little bit closer to your spiritual side, your journey to God, your passion, whatever it may be. But if there’s anybody out there that you meet and they. They disrespect you, they disrespect your journey, they. They dismiss it, they. They laugh at it, they, whatever they do, just know that they’re not a good person and that you don’t need people like that in your life. And the only kind of people that you need in your life are the people that are going to support you and help you understand and help you bring you closer to the things that you want in life. And that’s really, like, a lot of the essence of what my podcast is all about is helping you understand things, helping you get a little bit closer. If there’s one little thing that you got out of this podcast, I hope that it does bring you a bit closer to whatever it is that you want to get closer to. So, like, I said, I may not fully believe in God, but I’m definitely open to the idea of God. I don’t know if I ever will be, and I don’t know when it will be, but I think, I think eventually I will. But I think I have to overcome some certain things, whatever those are, and I have to figure out what those are. And like I said, just the very same is in order for me to get the hair, like my hair is long if you’ve never seen it as long. But in order for me to get to the hair, I had to overcome some things. If you haven’t listened to that podcast, I definitely recommend. It’s a really good one. But, yeah, I’ll leave you with something somebody told me a long time ago, this was like literally twelve years ago, I think. And he was a believer in God. It was when I was in the military and we were talking about it, and at this time I was not a, not even close. And I was asking him, I was like, yeah, but like, what about evolution and all this stuff? And he’s like, let’s talk about evolution. And I said, okay. And so he says, I want you to imagine a high end watch, like a Rolex, okay? I said, yeah, it looks really nice. You know, it’s got a lot of parts to it, right? I want you to take all the parts of that high end watch, all the workings, all the inner workings of it, how it works. You know, those little tiny gears, the little tiny hands, all that stuff. I want you to take it all apart. Every single piece is separate. Now I want you to put that into a bucket and close the lid on this bucket. Now what I want you to do is I want you to shake bucket. Shake it for an hour, shake it for a year, shake it for a decade, shake it for a hundred years, shake it for a million or a billion years, shake it for however long you want to shake it for. He says, do you think that if you shook that, that bucket long enough that eventually that watch will become whole and fully functioning? I said, no, that’s impossible. Wouldn’t say impossible, but I would say it’s damn near close to impossible, that’s for sure. So, yeah, he says, that’s kind of like the thought process behind evolution is you have all these parts and you’re trying to make something and you’re trying to have those things come together just out of the blue on its own some way, somehow, that if maybe you didn’t shake it quite at that force in that exact moment, then maybe it wouldn’t have come together. And I thought it was a really interesting. I remember I was just like, yeah, that’s. That’s so, so interesting. I love what you did there. He says, now I want you to take something like the eyeball. Okay, so the eyeball, the eye, it’s allowed. It allows us to see, right. I’m looking over the skyline right now, at the buildings, at the city, at the cars, at the. Everything, he says, the. The workings of an eye. So you think you just. That that bucket just shook and it just came up with something like the eye? And I said, no, probably not. Yeah, probably not. But that’s basically what you’re saying with evolution. In order for the eye to be able to do what it does, in order to be able to give us what it gives us, it’s almost as if it makes much more sense that somebody actually sat down, designed it, thought about it, and then not only designed it and thought about it, but actually put it together in the way that it is so that we could see blue as blue, greys as greys, shapes as whatever they are. And everything works together, too, that when you look at something, you look at a vehicle that sends a signal to your brain, which then tells your brain that you know, that you’re looking at a Toyota, everything works together. You look at that Toyota, that’s just a shape. There’s actually a signal that goes to your brain that. That tells you what that shape is. That’s the crazy thing. So you’re saying that you shook that bucket for so long and that all of this just came together, just happened in such a perfect way. Here in Canada, we don’t have lions, we don’t have tigers, we have bears. But if we had giraffes and we had tigers and we had lions, that could either be a good thing, they could either take over everything, or perhaps it could be a bad thing and they just wouldn’t be able to survive here. But we have the animals that we have. We have the plants. Plants that we have. We have the rivers that we have. We have everything that we have here in Canada that makes Canada. And Africa has everything that they have in Africa that makes Africa. Australia has everything that it makes Australia. I’m sure they could do without the big spiders, though. Like, come on.
[00:50:47] But you shook this bucket for so long and so hard and just the right way and the right moment, that everything came together at just such a perfect way that we don’t have a freaking dinosaur t Rex walking across the street right now. That’s the thing with evolution. And, like, I love that kind of stuff. If you can break something down to me in such a logical way, I love it.
[00:51:12] So anyways, guys, gals, that is my journey of my spiritual journey, my journey to God and where I was, where I am, where I’m going. And so I hope that you hope to hear your story one day. Find me on instagram, unplugged freedom, unpluggedfreedom.com, and we’ll talk to you later.